Another Monday Update -- so, it's a little bit late...

Okay… so a little bit late on the Monday update.

I blame it on the massive attack of spring cleaning bathroom blues -- even if it is Fall.

Still, here's the list and all its fun bits and pieces. Hope you have a good day, even if I'm wishing it to you a bit late. Because, well, with the kind of miserable weather we've got heading along we all deserve to get some kind of good day.

So onto the most exciting event of my week, and the most exciting event ever, the Monday update is here

1. Cyberius III - Working through edited copy after some frantic maneuvers to locate all the changes. Going back 4k words lighter. Now it's almost a Novella.

2. Alien abductors still missing. Word on the street is strange little gray men have been seen drinking cocktails and chasing babes on a exclusive beach resort in the Caribbean -- will need confirmation of these sightings.

3. Poseidon VII - First draft still finished. Everything has been put aside while I work on Cyberius III edits so that's cool.

64,483 / 60,000 (107.5%)

4. Have unearthed major spawn site of proliferating magazines. Fought out a pile of 100+ from bathroom cabinets following its yearly scrub down.

5. Valencius Covers His Tracks - tickled pink

63,304 / 100,000 (63.3%)

6. Fighting weird desire to burn effigies of medical establishments… Does No One care anymore?

7. Pile of ironing has migrated to spare closet, peeks out at me and glowers every now -- then slams door shut when I pick up the iron.

8. Huw's Entappthe Whorled - Feeling a bit blue at my supposed neglect, Novel Services will be calling soon to take it away to a foster home.

34,477 / 100,000 (34.5%)

9. Bought in enough food to feed three armies for Thanksgiving day. Thanks goodness there's only going to be five of us.

10. Stared at screen for an hour a day. Am pleased with the success of my new exercise regime.

11. Red Balloon/Red Dragon, Blue - Looking for ghost writer, Whoooooooo!

3,739 / 100,000 (3.7%)

12. Instant coffee reigns supreme -- at least until the bottle runs out then it back to the grinds.

13. Swansong - suffering a short circuit.

2,211 / 100,000 (2.2%)

14. Fought tooth, nail and scrubbing brush with bathroom. Bathroom won.

15. Here Be Dragons Sci fi romantica novella, dreaming on.

0 / 25,000 (0.0%)

16. I hear the distant sounds of the battling banjo's…

17. Dante I -- Getting very excited.

18. A Fashion Guide for Romantic Heroes hereafter known as The Quirky Eye for the Romantic Guy taking a fashion break.

850 / 1,000 (85.0%)

19 Huw's the Hero - Search party lost somewhere in the dark reaches of Imperial Tor Domain.




That's it folks, been a somewhat quieter week this week. Amazing how much time working through a good edit takes.

Will start to get back to all my regular stuff sometime this week. Once I've slaughtered a few more Pirates, Arr….

S.J.

A Shocking Walk Down Penney Lane

During one of my lesser moments of sanity I browsed through the latest J. C. Penney Christmas catalog that live journal user tree220 had recently had delivered to the apartment. Live journal user tree220's addiction to catalogs of all pretty sizes and colors is well known. Not so well known is my aversion, bordering on paranoia, of having piles of breeding catalogs and magazines quietly procreating in huge piles, corners and hidden closets. I swear they are more prolific than rabbits.

On this occasion though, whilst sitting around and pondering on the inanities of life, the universe and will the boogie man really get me if I don't eat my cabbage? I decided to flick through the glossy multicolored pages and take a peek at the wondrous offerings for this year's celebratory vacations.

I found myself overly impressed and must congratulate manufacturers world-wide for bringing to us a much greater variety of torture devices, in the name of pleasure, than ever before available on the open market. Who needs the Spanish inquisition when you have gifts like these?

1. For the kids -- We're all gonna meet a few toads in our lifetime, so why not start them young by giving them their very own personal CD Frog Stand. At least this way you'll understand why so many of their CD's suddenly croak.

2. For the man in your life -- Try giving him a Jewelled tiara thong A full bikini wax is recommended before wear, or you need to be mighty plucky, pubic hair plucky that is. Alternatively, of course, if he decides to wear it, take your video camera and let's all share in the fun. Warning - do not use if he is weak of heart

3. For yourself -- Guaranteed, in the long term, to increase body fat, risk of clogged arteries and incidents of diabetes while at the same time looking very attractive on your dining table. Why not buy yourself a Chocolate Fondue Fountain And it only holds a mere 2lb of chocolate, surely you can get through that in an hour or so? Warning -- Do not use when alone in the house, late at night, or after a broken relationship - unless you have a couple of spare 6lb bags of chocolate chips available.

4. For the Lush of your life -- Why wait until you hit the bar or home to get drunk? With the amazing Portable Martini Set now you can share your addiction anywhere: on the bus, the metro, while driving your car on I495. Warning -- not recommended for use in the prisoner processing rooms of your local police station.

5. In the olden days the rack was a useful and very efficient torture device. Now, instead of stretching your intended victims, squash them with the Circular Video Rocker Chair Save it for your favorite granny or grandad. Lifetime guarantee that once they sit in this they are stuck for life. Warning, bring plenty of oxygen bottles, not for the faint-hearted.

6. For those of you who really don't feel fat enough, or those who want to experience the joys of being supremely overweight. Try the patented Belly Booster. For a more realistic experience, lead weights can be substituted for the lightweight foam insert. Remember; stomach in, chest out! Warning -- not to be worn in the vicinity of your local obesity clinic.

7. For the fianceé -- She always wanted that extra special, super huge diamond engagement ring so buy her The Rock. The only one who'll be complaining with a ring this big is you -- from a stretcher at your local hospital's emergency department. Warning -- ensure delivery takes place three weeks after you have emigrated for life to a country without deportation agreements to the USA.

8. Following complaints from concerned parents that pedophiles are pretending to be Santa Claus at local Mall grottos, we have come up with an excellent alternative solution. Try the Dog Santa Suit the safe and fun alternate to sitting on a pervert's lap. Warning -- Has occasionally been caught sniffing crotches and butts. Keep a local abuse counselor at hand.

9. Is your Santa Clause the friendly neighborhood pedophile? Find out with this nifty little Shocking Liar kit. Just ask really embarrassing questions until he screams. Warning -- Buy plenty of spare batteries on the off chance your victim interviewee is a masochist.

10. Tired of playing war games where it really doesn't feel like the real thing? Then join in the pain with these two wonderful devices. Get up close and personal with the remote control Shocking Tanks or for that long distance, tingle in the tangle, shoot them from afar with the Shocking Laser You know you only hurt the ones you love, so love your friends and family this holiday season. Warning -- not recommended for those who don't love pain. And not for those wearing pacemakers or other electronic medical implants since it tends to kill ya.

Quirky Contest

Following a quirkly little challenge on the Live Journal wordvines community, I thought I'd share this little snippet with you.

The Challenge was to write a 500 or so word piece from first person perspective; containing narrative and dialogue; and not allowed to use the word I (or I'm, I've etc.)

LOL not as easy as it sounds.




"Is this it?" Carly asked me.

Shrugging my shoulders and turning away caused the figure at her feet to fade from my thoughts. There's nothing left, was the only realization remaining. What could be left after this?

"It was the hunters." My voice was tremulous, the memories of the carnage, the gunshot, fresh in my mind. "After all those millions of miles following her it comes down to this."

Something in Carly's eyes softened as she saw my shell of nonchalance break away, revealing the breaking sense of failure, and distress, beneath. What chance did a poor tech like me stand against the voracious kill mentality of a hunter?

"It's not as if they could even eat her. It was a senseless killing." My voice cracked with the shame. "By failing to protect her, she ended up, like--"

"Now don't be stupid!" Carly snapped, her tone softening. Carly? Something caused me to look up and see the glint of -- what? -- in her eyes.

Strange sensations began to churn in my stomach. Unfamiliar feelings as emotion that had been locked away for so long began to emerge. That damming of emotions was part of the long hard training for techs like me, leaving us solely attached to the ones we had to protect and banning any feeling we could feel for another. Feelings that would distract us from our job, from our task of protecting.

"It's, it's happening, isn't it?" Carly looked at me, her voice going husky as if she too was caught up in something beyond her control.

Maybe she was. Maybe the Makers were forcing this event upon us, a kind of bittersweet end to a torturous journey.

She knelt down, focussed on the broken figure between us. She was trying to keep her thoughts away from me, from that odd sensation of drowning in emotions that threatened to overwhelm us.

"It was fast," she said. "Instantly torn apart by the bullet. She had no chance."

It was becoming harder for me to focus. Now my mission had failed, my failure lying broken and lifeless before me, the need to seek comfort and consolation burned like a flaming tower within.

"Carly…" Thick with need my voice drew her gaze, her breath was coming in short sharp gasps, as if she was fighting with everything she had to avoid this moment. "…it's over. The mission, my mission, it's a failure. There is nothing left for me, not anymore."

Taking the bronze topped power cell from my pocket and handing it to her broke her chains of immobility.

"Nick, no! This isn't the end, it can't be."

She stood, quickly wrapping her arms around me, her body warm and soft beneath the skin-hugging top and jeans. My lips brushed her forehead and my arms curled around her, pulling her closer as gentle shivers tremored through her.

"How could they do it?" she asked, tears of mourning finally breaking through as her lips sought mine for a pain healing kiss.

"They are cruel and evil." My words brushed against her cheek, murmuring, longing. "My old life has ended, now. Now the energizer bunny is dead."




The author would like to announce that no energizer bunny was harmed in the production of this story

S.J.

Just Starting...

Okaaay,

So, I'm a writer.

Writer sees big open space of white.

What does writer do?

:)

Writer writes.

I think it's some kind of instinctive reaction whereby any blank space must be filled with the vagaries of sprawling black ink. Be it Epic or Flash fiction, the genetic set up for a writer is to instantly FILL THAT SPACE.

Blank spaces make a writer nervous, edgy. Bring us to the brink of partial insanity (or is that sanity?) Blank spaces, for a writer, are the devil's spawn of the devil's spawn -- evil incarnate, Satan personified.

Well, almost.

Seeing a blank space is like waving a red flag before a bull. It draws, pulls, eases into the writer's subconscious mind to swallow all common sense and thought as myriad dreams, scenes and bloody mayhem (or romantic sex) flood that very white space that hereforto threatened the writer's existence. (Hey, Hyperbole is also a wieldy tool of the prolific writer.)

Anyway. I guess what I wanted to say, in as many words as I could, is "Hi!"

And since my very first novel is mere weeks away from being published I thought I'd pop in, create my very own Blank Space Purgatory and flood the blog with inanities worthy of my name (which isn't saying much but then ego is also the writer's forte.)

So here it is, welcome to my blog and home of all things real and unreal.

Oh, and when you pull up that chair and sit down nicely, please remember not to tease the dragon. When he gets nervous, he tends to burp...


Welcome to you all!

*user does mad happy dance and stubs his toe, falls on floor, and cracks skull on a loose flagstone*

This is a happy space.

:)

S.J.